why im i the only drunk person in the library?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
