i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
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Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
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I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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