you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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