Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
