I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
