I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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