Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
