Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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