Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
