Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
50% drunk capacity currently
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize