if i can run in heels then i can drive
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
