Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
