Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
