I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
