I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
