I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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