and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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