Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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