My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
