that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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