I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Porn is love you can see.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
