Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
