peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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