i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
