it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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