I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
