I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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