apparently the secret to your success is patron
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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