I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
