You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
