Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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