Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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