Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
