We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
