i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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