i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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