im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
