I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
