don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
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Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
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OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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