She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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