That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
