if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
