Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
