she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
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My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
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In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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