we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
