I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
