nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Randomize
