"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
