she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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