Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
