I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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