YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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