the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
