AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she smelled like a LAN party
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
