He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish you could order shots online.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
