Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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