Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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