$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
