i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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