I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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