Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Found the puke drawer
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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