you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
