Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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