So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
