Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
