I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
