Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
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