her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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