omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.