just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?