did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"