me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going