I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
