Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
